My Self Help

Everywhere I got introduced to I found a sympathetic ear, someone who listened and who could advise, who could put you on the straight and narrow.

 

At times appointments were cancelled, or sometimes things were forgotten.  That’s when I made sure I would talk to my daughter and friends.

 

I felt like a child, a child at 56. I just accepted it and when I did, and I mean totally accepted letting go, a strange thing happened, an honesty that I didn’t know was there came out of me and slowly but surely all the ‘jigsaw’ pieces of life started to fit into place. Things I did in the past started to make sense.

 

One of the activities I joined was a Writing club. This situation would normally freak me out, but I decided I had got to do this without thinking, so I just got on my bike, went and sat down with 5 others and then with the head of the group, who had written books, started some ‘written exercise sessions’ and then short essays.

 

To my amazement, I just wrote & wrote, relating everything to my past in some way (writers do say write about something you know).  I even read out my pieces without any fear.  This situation felt like I was someone else.  Almost an out of body experience.  I was watching myself with awe.  I didn’t realise there was anyone around me, I didn’t even know if what I was saying was good or even understandable. There was no red face of embarrassment (which I remembered from school).  The response was great and I think people saw my passion & my honesty.The pieces I wrote didn't matter, although I even got a ripple of applause once. That felt like me getting the winning goal at Wembley in the last minute

 

Furthermore, I remember one day the weather turned nasty, gloomy and wet. I still got on my bike and chose to ride through the park. I was soaking & had no money in my pocket and I was still going to my writing class; I remember having the biggest smile I'd ever had, probably for the last 20 years!!!!!!!